Comment Wall

 https://sites.google.com/view/carlypotfolio/

Hi everyone! I appreciate all of your comments in advance! Let me know what you think of my portfolio!




Comments

  1. Hey Carly! You have a very relaxing aesthetic going on with both your blog and portfolio. I really like the energy I get from all of the colors and images you used. The headers you used in your stories were nice! I think they were good matches for the content they represented.
    I don't think I have too many suggestions for you, so far. You seem like you have a good understanding of your project and what direction you want to take it.
    Your portfolio is easy to navigate, I can get from the stories to the homepage with ease and vice versa. Your writing style is lovely and your author's notes were very useful for both stories. I look forwards to seeing where your stories take you through the rest of the semester!

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  2. Hi Carly,

    I really enjoyed reading your story, "The Soccer Match." I really liked the imagery you used to show the readers how Charlie was liked by everyone at the school, except Mason. I also really liked how you led up to the big soccer match. Mason was pissed that he wasn't getting any attention from all his other peers, so he wanted to challenge Charlie to a soccer match. There isn't really anything I can think of to change at the moment, and think you did a wonderful job recreating the "Gambling Match." I also wrote a story recreating the Gambling Match, and think you should check it out.

    Good Job!

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  3. Hi there Carly! I really have enjoyed your portfolio so far and can't wait to check on it when you add some more stories. Your story "The Soccer Match" really stuck out to me, but also left me on a cliff hanger. I think you did well at pulling from the "Gambling Match" but making it your own story. This sounds like a scene from a teen movie. I would love to see a continuation of this story as I was left wondering how Charlie's girlfriend thought. I think that you could expand upon this more and maybe share her point of view or see how Charlie handles the loss after he got over his embarrassment and frustration. Over all you have a nice blog. Your home page seems to have a bit of blank space that maybe you could advertise each page there instead of secluding it to the right corner. Well done and good writing!

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  4. Hello Carly! First, I'd like to say that your site is very visually appealing. It gives off a very "beachy" and relaxing vibe. One thing to consider is putting the story titles, or abbreviated versions, as the page name. That way it is easier for people, especially people unfamiliar with this course, to navigate your site and find specific stories! Another thing to consider is to include a link to your comment wall on your individual story pages. I have not done this myself either. However, as I am writing these comments I have seen a couple that have done this and it definitely makes it easier for the reader. I will be including this on mine as well! As for your story "The Cheetah and the Impala", I think it is awesome! You did a great job adding a creative twist to the original story. You also did a great job with your author's note. Of course we all read the original, but if a reader had not they definitely would not be lost. Loved it!

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  5. Hi Carly! I enjoyed looking at your portfolio! I read both stories, and even though they’re very different, I liked how you adapted them. Your author’s notes do a great job of explaining how and why you adapted the original stories.
    I think it would be great if you added a page for your comment wall and put it in the navigation menu at the top right, so it would be a bit easier to find. I also wonder if you might like to add the titles of your stories to the menu rather than labelling them “Story 1” and such. I think this could help generate interest as soon as someone opens your homepage!
    “The Soccer Match” was my favorite of your two stories. I really felt for Mason and wanted him to succeed! You did a great job of showing how he prepared for his match. It didn’t just come easily to him. My only observation is that sometimes Charlie and Mason’s dialogue sounds stilted for high schoolers. Maybe they could use contractions in their speech to help it sound more natural? Your story is very good, though! The line “Soccer is the real football” made me laugh. Keep it up!

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  6. Hi Carly! I really enjoyed reading your stories! Your soccer story made me giggle because I have many friends that play soccer, and they always talk about how it's ridiculous that football is not popularly known as soccer in the U.S. However, my favorite story was the cheetah one! I enjoyed reading a story with the theme of deceit, and I loved that the cheetah received some pay-back in the end. The stories were very easy to follow along with, which can be difficult when there are multiple characters! I agree with Erin that some titles for the stories instead of "story 1/2" could help readers gain interest and find the story they are looking for. I also enjoyed the way the characters communicated in the cheetah story. When the Impala said "that should teach him" I got all fired up and wanted to yell "yeah!" haha! Thanks for the great reads!

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  7. Hey Carly,
    First off I wanted to show appreciation to aesthetic of your site. Each one of your stories "The Soccer Match", "The Cheetah and The Impala" and even your cover page are very pleasing to the eye and headers complement your stories well. One suggestion I would give to your comment wall is a clickable link to go from here to your actual site. It is very easy and only requires like two seconds of your time and just helps with ingenuity. Another suggestion is maybe some clickable buttons on your home page, its just something to add instead of having the normal clickable tabs at the top. In regards to your individual stories I really enjoyed reading the cheetah story I think you did a good job telling the story as well as referencing the original in your authors notes. A lot of times we tend to forget we are all reading different stories and may not have read the one you are referencing, but you did a good job of that.

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  8. Hi Carly!
    I enjoyed your creative retelling of "The Cunning Crane and the Crab"! I also used that story as inspiration for one of my stories! One thing that I thought was really interesting about your story was the addition of the lions. Adding a fake villain to scare the other animals for the cheetahs benefit was a very interesting addition and it added more urgency to the situation. One thing that I was a little confused about was whether the impala was actually worried that the lions were going to attack him or whether he just followed the cheetah to catch him in a lie and rip him to pieces for his deceit. Maybe you could add more detail to clear this up, like details that explain the impala's motive to go with the cheetah. Great job on this story and I am excited to read "The Soccer Match" and any other stories you may add in the future!

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  9. Hi Carly! I liked you story "The Cheetah and the Impala" and how you put your own ideas in the story. I like the Jakatas and how people can easily put their own ideas and creativity into it and yours did not disappoint. I liked the story placement a lot and the new characters of a cheetah, hares, lions, and impala. I think your authors note was perfect and gave a great detailed explanation of the original story and how you changed it and made it your own. I like your sites layout and the style you have adopted. It is a really calming style and I love the ocean and the color blue. The only thing I noticed was that on the sight the stories don't go in order at the top and that is the only thing I could find to potentially fix. I am excited to read your other stories!

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  10. Hi Carly, I really enjoyed your “The Cheetah and the Impala” story in your portfolio! I liked how you created a new fresh twist to the story by changing the animals, and the setting of the story. I liked that you changed the crane to a cheetah. By including the portion that there was no better lake for the hares, make the cheetah look very deceiving. The Impala on the other hand knew that there was no better place around there, so he wasn’t tricked. I liked how this story included different animals that were a perfect fit for the character that they were planning. Overall, I enjoyed your story and even though it was derived from the original, it had more twists and turns! I found it to be very creative! The overall layout of your portfolio is also very relaxing and peaceful! The picture you included fit perfectly for the story!

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  11. Hello Carly!
    I loved The Soccer Match story! Throughout this semester I have found that I my favorite stories to read are those that put a modern spin on the epic stories. That is what drew me in the most about your story. At first I did not make the connection between your story and the original however you did an amazing job tying it up at the end and in the authors note. One thing that was only slightly confusing was how at the end Mason "won the girl." In the original story Duryohdhana did in fact "win" Draupadi however, Draupadi refused to go with him. You left out the refusal in your story, which may have been you intention to make the story your own. I was still curious about it though.
    Overall I really enjoyed your story and your writing style! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

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  12. Hi Carly!

    I love the cartoonish about your story. I love that you used the cheetah and the smaller animals as the prey to the cheetah. Making conversation out of the animal is really good. I think that the story has a good mix of entertainment and education. I love that I can comprehend it in a way that teaching little kid about never to take advantage of those who are smaller than them. One day they will come back and bite you. It is a good lesson that can be apply all the time. I wonder what it would be like for the cheetah to develop his intention to trick the hares. I think that the story is super creative as well as the color theme that you chose for your pages. It matches the story background and fit really well. I hope to read more story from you. Good luck

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  13. Hey Carly! I read over your story “The Cheetah and the Impala” and I really enjoyed it. I like how you changed the environment and setting while keeping the central lesson still intact. It provides a lot of creative liberty and adds to the uniqueness of your own re-telling. I also liked how you added a separate threat to the initial naïve group of hares. In the original story, the fish were excited to get to a new home, but this version has the threat of the lion requiring them to take action and listen to the cheetah. I also like how you allowed the readers to see the impala’s perspective in the final fight. It was really cool and added a lot more to the narrative. I would also think about expanding onto the stories using the same narrative framework. The experiences of the impala might later parallel stories of Rama and Sita, for example. Overall, it was a great read!

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  14. Hi Carly!
    I really enjoyed all of your stories. Aside from the plot and inspiration behind them, I liked that each story was unique; the setting and the characters were all different, so it gave variety to your portfolio. I thought you played around with imagery really nicely in all of your stories. I could easily picture what was going on in each. You second story is definitely something that all of us are familiar with, since we all went to high school and most, if not all, of us had our insecurities during that time. So there is an element of realism that can be incorporated into the story that I think you just missed the mark on. Of course, this is inspired by the Mahabharata, so it is not completely realistic, but since we've all been high schoolers at some point, we know how they interact with each other. The conversation between Mason and Charlie felt very sudden and forced, and I think there is a way you can create a smoother transition while still moving the plot along. If someone came up to me and randomly said what Mason told Charlie, I would be like 'Is this person okay? What is going on?' But, I think you did a great job of portraying these characters and making them fit with your story while still being true to the original Mahabharata story. I loved your 3rd story! I do not remember that Jataka Tale, so this was a first for me reading this type of plot. I could not believe the audacity of the mother, not only being ungrateful for the kindness this person absolutely did not have to show them, but using her daughter as a pawn when that could potentially put her in danger! I was pulled into this story, and I thought it was incredibly written.

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  15. Hello Carly,

    I loved the colors and theme of your portfolio. It was really relaxing and gives a different vibe as opposed to the other portfolios and storybooks that have darker colors and images of different, and sometimes scary looking creatures. So I really liked your website! From what I understand from your stories you choose a moral or lesson from each story and kind of base the whole story on that which is really similar to the story style in the Ramayana. I really liked this because it gave your stories meaningful and you really tried to relate the stories to us today which I also really liked rather than giving a history lesson.
    Good job, keep it up!

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  16. Hi Carly,

    I really enjoyed reading over your story, "The Restaurant Owner." It was very interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I felt like I didn't want the story to end. I really liked the imagery you used through out the story, describing the girls clothes and how their apartment was very dirty and small. I also really liked how you tied the ending back to the restaurant owner not dropping off any more meals, or clothing off at their doorstep anymore because they tried to steal his money. One thing I think that you could add to make it even better is to give more detail as to why the dad left, and why they were so poor. I think you did a great job!

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  17. Hi Carly! I absolutely loved your story "The Restaurant Owner." I also read the Golden Goose story and loved it too! Your story was a creative modern-day rendition and I really appreciated all the details in it. I liked how you had the mother wanting something different rather than appreciating the help she was getting, that was really creative! The way she had her daughter try to get the code so she could break in and steal money was another very creative part of your story. I remember reading the Golden Goose and thinking "I wish someone would do this and have forgiveness in the story as well." Then I saw how the owner didn't press charges, I was like "Whoa!" I know that is not necessarily forgiveness, but a cool twist. I think adding some information on the backstory of the mother or father would be cool, but honestly you knocked it out of the park!

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